just ask...

...to break the silence, one curious question at a time

The problem

As a society, we're closed to certain topics. They're taboo. We give universal experiences like death and grief the silent treatment - brush them under the carpet, dust off the stiff upper lip so we can keep calm, just carry on.

We don't think this way works for us anymore. We know it doesn't. Grief is heavy, and it lasts for life and we need many hands to help carry the burden. When you share a problem it's halved. Is this not the formula for grief too?

What you can do

What's different about grief is that speaking about it when it's happening to you is hard. Actually, it can feel impossible.

We also know that as a grief, knowing the 'right thing to do or say' also feels impossible.

We need to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Knowing that it's OK, not for it to not feel OK.

We need to break the silence between friends around grief, starting with: "How Is Today?"

Make the first move

Just like dating, someone has to go first. Make that someone you and show them you can bring ‘it’ up.

Ask the question

Ask “how is today?” and create space for a different conversation. Show that YOU see each day is (and forever will be) different.

Say something. Not nothing

Yes, most people actually DO want you to bring it up. Silence makes an octopus invisible. This can have a big impact on healing and mental health.

See their octopus

Some days it's small and some days it’s big. But it will always be there. When you spot the octopus, check in and make your friend feel seen.

Embrace the awkward

No one expects you to have the answers. It’s as new for you, as it is for them. It’s ok to feel awkward and uncomfortable. But it’s not ok to not try.

Keep checking in

You don't get over grief, you just learn to live with it. And just like love, it changes over time. Keep asking curious questions and please, keep the space open.

Showing you how

Hosted by Clemmie & Alby, the "How Is Today?" podcast shows you how to break the silence around grief, one curious question at a time.

We know that opening up a conversation about grief is hard. Especially if you haven't been through it.

Each episode, we're joined by an expert in their field with real grief experience, to help show us how to have a good conversation about grief (season 1 guests are Sir Andrew Strauss, Dr Leyla Hussein, Zak Williams, Nathalie Clough and Benj Pasek).

Hosted by Alby Shale and Clemmie Clough and recorded by Message Heard. Follow the show and keep up with the community on Twitter and Instagram, and listen via the links below.

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